“Sometimes things just happen. Life goes spinning off in some random direction and you can either choose to follow it or turn around and go home.” I once had a friend who was taking classes at a massage therapy school. One day after class she seemed very distraught and her eyes suggested that she had been crying. Seeing if there was anything I could do for her, she went on to tell me there wasn't because she had no idea what she was so upset for. At the time, in class they were studying repressed emotions. What happens and where they go when you bottle up things you're not letting yourself express. Supposedly, as she told me, they stay with you. For years. Stuck in knots in your muscles. With that logic, releasing said knots would also release those feelings. Ultimately leaving you a mess of emotions, years later, with no idea what they were tied to. While practicing their techniques on each other apparently this was the situation she had found herself in. Upset over something she couldn't even explain. She was even irked that she wasn't given the proper chance to get over it on her own when she was ready.
It does seem a little weird, but our minds and emotions are capable of some crazy stuff, so I won't discredit it. With that in mind, I truly believe I needed this movie. And it is indeed the subject of my post tonight. I won't lie, I enjoy boring movies that make you think. In the beginning that, and Zach Braff were it's only appeal. By the time the credits were rolling I was already sobbing relentlessly into my pillow.
It's in these "boring" movies that I relate and really allow myself to fall in love with the characters. I even enjoy them more when they don't have a happy ending.
This particular movie follows a man who hits a pregnant woman with his car and runs. Regretting his decision he finds her and follows her in an attempt to ease his conscience. Probably thinking if he see's shes fine, he could move on with life. When he gets close enough to see the real mess he caused things get more complicated than just his heavy conscience. Tragic story of bad decisions effecting different peoples lives and their paths. Sometimes, perhaps even in the smallest degree, in a good way.
The passed few days have been not much more than trying to figure out just what it is I am going to do with life now. Regretting decisions and second guessing myself was something I knew was waiting in the weeds. I just didn't know it would come down so hard. Currently there are opportunities presenting themselves that a girl my age should be excited for. Unfortunately, bad decisions in the past prevent me from plunging in and just going for it. Scars that I had hoped were healed are oozing doubt and discouragement. To my dismay, I know the only treatment is moving forward, and a nemesis to us all; time. In this situation the opportunity is a relationship, and the oozing scab is an ex.
"Okay, so you're ranting on and on about this movie, and you being confused/upset with life, what do they have to do with each other?"
I've waited so long to get over what happened during this relationship. Chasing the idea that 'the scab' feels just as bad. Hoping he looses sleep at night. In reality, it's probably not true. I'm sure he doesn't even try to look back. I have been searching for closure, and giving up because it's too difficult to let go of the only thing I have left to hide behind. The events did a number on my self esteem, and I wasn't left with much to work with. But in the end, it has been my own undoing that's kept me at this point. It's possible that I won't ever forgive him. It's possible that if things did not end the way they did, I could have gone on with my plans I had then and been far worse off now. (both scenarios related from the film) Not to spoil anything, but in the movie both characters find their own way to move on and deal with what has happened. It ends on a bit of a cliff, but I also enjoy when that happens as well. Because as I said before, I find particular things to relate to in the characters with whatever situation I might currently find myself in. As time goes by and I make my own decisions I often think back to those characters. Pretty much filling in the rest of their story with my own experiences.
This film wasn't at all what I thought I'd walk away with. It helped me gain an understanding of mistakes, and how people make them. There's a line that Zach Braffs character says,
"Sometimes I wonder how I got to be this person. It’s like, you have a version in your head of who you think you are and then one day you realize maybe you aren’t that. Even though you think you’re really kind and good at heart, really you’re just a sum total of a bunch of bad decisions and stupid behavior.”
And it's true. More often than not everyone feels this way. Unworthy, a failure, a disgrace. But ultimately it's what you do in the end. To fix it, to get over it, to move on. It's never too late.
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